Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Freda's fanfiction


Garfield: Mental Stress


I followed with a fanfiction named “Garfield’s piano” and wrote a new continuation about the story between piano and Garfield, Odie and Jon Arbuckle.

Last time, Jon bought a piano and warned Garfield and Odie not to touch it at any time. But with the help of Odie, Garfield played Jon's piano on the sneak when Jon was not at home. Odie was so excited that he jumped on the top of the piano and almost knocked it over. Fortunately, He and Garfield pushed the piano to stand up just as Jon came back home.
This time, when they were playing the piano, Jon came back earlier than before.
Jon opened the door. Garfield and Odie did not notice his coming at all as they were happily playing the piano.
Suddenly, they were terrified as they saw Jon bursting into the room. Odie swiftly hid behind the curtain, Garfield froze on the stool.
Nobody knew what would happen.
“Excellent! Wonderful! I’m going to show you guys to my colleagues” Jon hugged Garfield and said.
“WHAT?! REALY?!” yelled Garfield and Odie with surprise.
“Yes, tomorrow. I’ll invite all my colleagues to come to my home; you guys will be playing the piano in front of them. I want Tony to see how genius my pets are. He always boasted about his stupid parrot in our office, I’m sick of him for a long time.” said Jon excitedly.
Garfield and Odie were shocked again.
“Can I absent your invitation?” Garfield just wanted to ask with audacity.
“No excuses for absence." Jon seemed to figure out Garfield’s intent.
"You guys must pay out for your disobedience of the rule.” said Jon.
“Come, Odie! Keep practicing piano with Garfield. I’m going to make a big meal for you guys.” Jon was skipping and humming into the kitchen in his unusual weird way .



Garfield stared at Odie bitingly “Odie, you must want to play the piano in front of the strangers vey much?”.
“wuwuwu” Odie shook his head madly.
“Yes, great musicians like us will never play piano for the stupid people. We must think of a strategy to stop this horrible idea.” Garfield said.
Odie nodded in agreement.
Garfield had brainwave and whispered to Odie about his plan.
Odie ran toward the kitchen. Garfield sneaked into the bathroom.



“Gu,gu…” Odie purred around the feet of Jon.
“Excite or Hungry, Odie? Wait, I’m cooking your favorite food.” Said Jon.
Odie saw Garfield was back and groveled on the floor. He changed his voice, screamed and jumped onto the table.
“No, Odie, come down!” Jon commanded.
Odie stood there for a second then jumped down the table. “Good boy!” praised Jon.
Just as Jon thought Odie had probablely calmed down, Odie started to scratch the sofa.
“Hey! Stop, Odie! What’s wrong with you?” shrieked Jon with anger. Odie barked and ran around the sofa, the table and all the rooms, then furiously clawed at the curtains near Garfield.
Jon ran over to stop Odie. He spotted Garfield crawling on the floor, looking very uncomfortable. Jon asked surprisedly: “What is the matter, Garfield?”, and petted Garfield’s head.
Doing so he felt his hand was a little bit wet. “Oh, Garfield, are you sick?”
Garfield looked at Jon weakly and responded “Yes, mental stress-- heavy pressure.”
“Pressure??” asked Jon confusedly, “Oh, Calm down! Garfield. I’m making the most delicious lasagna for you. After you eat, you’ll be fine”
“Lasagna!” in his mind ,Garfield saw a delicious plate. He was slavering and so hungry.
“I know you Garfield, as long as you eat lasagna, everything will be fine. You and Odie must give a big surprise to them, big, big surprise…” Jon said as he was walking to kitchen.


Garfield looked at the back of Jon.
“Our acting definitely needs to be upgraded, Odie.” he said in a low voice.
Odie nodded then barked and ran around the rooms. He jumped up and down and pushed many things over. Jon scolded him loudly. He still kept moving.
“You probably are so very hungry, come, Odie, I’ve made the best steak for you.” Jon took out a plate with a big piece of steak, very delicious smell.
Odie stopped and stared at the steak drooling.
He quickly peeped at Garfield who was squinting at him but still groveled on the ground.
Odie seemed to understand Garfield’s meaning. He picked the steak up with his mouth and ran again…
“Stop, Odie! Why does Odie become so crazy now?” Jon shooked his head.
“That is all your fault!” thought Garfield.
Jon was taking a large plate of lasagna towards Garfield.
“Hi, good boy, see, your favorite, cheer up!” Jon said friendly.
The aroma of lasagna drifted closer to his nose, Garfield gulped his slaver back hard, but he still bent over the floor without moving.
“Garfield, you don’t want to eat l-a-s-a-g-n-a?” Jon asked turgidly.
Garfield unexpectedly stilled on the ground. This never happened before.

Jon looked at Odie running around crazilywith the steak in his mouth, and looked down at Garfield bending over the floor without any appetite. He suddenly understood something.
“Ok, I’ve changed my idea. I will not invite the people to come to our house tomorrow.” Jon exclaimed.
Odie stopped.
Garfield looked up to him for a moment, and then lowered his head on the ground again.
Odie resumed his crazy runing.
“OK, okay, not only tomorrow, never, I’ll never ever ask them to come here, OK?” Jon announced.
“Woo-hu!”
Garfield jumped on to the lasagna and munched happily .
Odie stopped running, was exhausted and collapsed next to Jon's feet. The steak fell on the floor; he didn’t want to eat it anymore.
Poor Odie, he was too tired.

15 comments:

  1. You had a really nice and funny idea here! (=^_~=)b

    There are some points where the expressions seem a bit strange... maybe i can have a look at that later... have to go to UNI now...

    But good start!!! (=^_^=)

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  2. Thanks!Could you give me more detail feedback about where you thought the exressions seem strange and how to re-edit or modify them, please?

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  4. Some things I found:

    - "Excellent! Wonderful! I’m going to show youR guys to my colleagues”
    (just "you")

    -“WHAT?! REALY?!”Garfield and Odie__ SURPRISED
    (someting like ... "WERE surprised" or "ASKED surprised")

    -Then few words later the "youR guys"-thing again

    - Jon ___ EXITED
    (You forgot the "." and again something like "WAS exited" or so is missing)

    - Jon was half-skippED and half-hummED into the kitchen in his unusual weird way.
    (he was half skippING and half hummING... also ... the half skipping part is good but humming doesn't fit with it... it implys that he does both a little... but you can very well skip and humm at the same time :) so maybe...
    "Jon WENT skipping AND humming into the kitchen"? Just an idea (~_^) )

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  5. It's stuff like that.. maybe now that you know these examples you can find similar things yourself... (=^_^=)

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  7. Quite good idea with interesting dialogues.

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  8. Mhm... It's nicer now!
    At least SOMEONE without endless drama but a funny story (=^_^=)b

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  9. awsome ideas you got there^^
    i love the beginning with the intro of the piano incident!
    keep it up and looking forward to read more:)

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  10. Thank you very much,sila! I really appreciated that you helped me to modify my grammatical mistakes and gave some great advices for re-editing my story.

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  11. Funny story, especially some words using for them, such as " mental stress..." interesting! but might be little bit long for 800 words.

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  12. @Juana:
    no, her story is not too long.. just looks like it! hahaha!
    I counted her words with computer... so jealous... LOL

    @freda:
    who drew the pictures? you? awesome! ROFL!!!!!!!

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  13. Ha,Sila!I'm very glad that you discovered my pictures'difference.Yes, My pictures were drawn by someone else, but not me, it's my younger daughter. When I read the draf of my fanfiction to her, she was so excited that she told me she wanted to draw some pictures to match my story(she is very good at drawing ). Now, the pictures you saw are her works. (=^_^=)

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  14. LOL!!
    very nice!
    That was my 2nd guess... (=^_^=)

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  15. i love how you insert pictures to your fanfic~~
    makes it more visual!
    the ending of the story was good, it ended like how the other garfield series would end...(meaning the story can always go on if you add more...beacuse its a good link~)
    would be cool if you added more things about Jon~

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